The Journey Begins

Traveling to an Unknown Destination

I have always found myself drawn to creative pastimes, but I am not one to sit still. I wasn’t made that way. I have spent my years here on this earth chasing the euphoria I get from new interests. The list of things that interest me at times, appears never ending. A daunting bucket list of pursuit and discovery. It is a perplexing addiction.

I wouldn’t claim it to be a problem on the surface, but I do blame the fleeting sense of life as a force that keeps me moving at break-neck speeds. I have experienced many wonders that others may never get to witness, but it never feels like enough, there is always so much more to do.

Can’t stop. Gonna die soon. The engine that has driven me to such fascinating paths in my life but has also caused a chaotic cycle of burnouts and extreme highs. Things are left half done on my list.

Cool, ok, yeah, I got the gist- ON TO THE NEXT THING! I hardly finish anything, and oftentimes it manifests as waves of existential dread and can become overwhelming.

The steam that powers this hungry and curious beast is quickly dissipating, however. As life reads on, I make more choices for stability and the known. The cost of being able to keep the treasures I have gathered on my journey is not cheap. The precious currency I spend, happens to be my spare time, time that I was once comfortable using to wander, whether it was physically or mentally. I have come to find that I depended on being able to wander and investigate things of my interest. Without it, I am left feeling empty.

I struggle with this everyday, but there is a fire that has been expanding slowly but surely. It demands this precious commodity and I must now internally battle competing priorities. This will be a fight that is fought until I no longer retain any sense of self or the air leaves my lungs for the last time- whichever comes first.

It is not all doom and gloom however, I think this slowing of pace has a silver lining. It has allowed me to look back and evaluate, something I felt like I did not have time to do in my youth.

For the past three years, in my chaotic yet cyclical ways, I have found that I often return to a hobby I chased feverishly in my teen years. Unbeknownst to adult me, writing has been a secret hum in the background of my life. I usually return to journaling, jotting down notes and thoughts, writing out mini movie and story ideas. Writing would eventually lose to the flashier forms of creativity; painting, cinematography, etc. but writing was always present nonetheless. I just hadn’t realized it until recently.

One fateful day while cleaning, I began reviewing work I had done in various composition notebooks and I rediscovered worlds that were left to decay on my shelves. Words that conjured vivid images of journeys left incomplete, characters needing their conclusions, deep thoughts that had not seen light since I had willed them into existence.

This act of reviewing my work reignited a small glowing ember within me. In an instant I knew that I was going to start writing again, a game time decision that has changed my life. It started as a small conversation over date night dinner. “I am going to work on writing poetry.” I had said, my heart quickening at hearing the words out loud, the embers began glowing with life. I began collecting notes I had written to myself, and began crafting them as a “look book” in Google Slides. The high of having creative spare time flaring in the most addictive ways. Among a field of dead and decaying hobbies, writing had somehow been hanging on, patiently waiting to be resurrected. Ready to share its findings from the other side of the vale.

Cover of the Google Slides rough draft of my now published book.

So here I am, in the apex of my leap. Holding on to faith as I hurl my being toward an unknown landing. White knuckles on the steering wheel as I navigate these uncharted roads. Trying to keep my eyes and ears wide open while searching for my destination that may never truly be reached. After all, it's all about the journey, not the destination.

It is my intention with this platform to dive deeper into writing. Sharing, discussing and connecting by providing my raw and vulnerable work here. An honest offering from one star to another in a sea of stars.

'til next time

-M. Silver