What is My Purpose?
A love letter to a childhood movie
I am going to age myself here-but let’s set up a scene: It was 1998 and the children’s show Pokémon had taken Saturday morning cartoons over like a wild fire. I had a Game Boy Color (it was teal-the best color in case you were wondering) and my siblings and I took turns playing Pokémon Red. I was very young at the time and reading was not really something my hyper brain had time for, but my sisters played and in between the important battles they let me fight all the extra characters, like bug catcher- it was the epitome of awesome for little me.
Book fairs at school had been taken over by Pokémon guides erasers, pencils, trading cards and posters. I didn’t even know what the cards did but I wanted them, so I could stare at the art for hours and try to draw my favorite critters. It was such a fun time to be surrounded by my most recent fixation.
It was later that year the movie came to the U.S. and had a promo “Ancient Mew” card. I sadly never saw the movie in theatres but I had friends who had seen it and showed me the mythical card they received for going to theatres. There was so much awe surrounding the first Pokémon movie.
Even though I had not seen it, I was begging my family to buy me anything related to it when we had the money. I was able to get a hold of the movie soundtrack which was full of pop artists I didn’t even know, but I played that first track on repeat endlessly.
It was not until the VHS release that I got to see it. I remember sitting in my friend’s basement after playing some N64 and being completely glued to the screen. I was introduced to a character that had blurred moral lines, but I was just at the right age I was able to process a bit of it.
Mewtwo was grown in a lab from an eyelash of a rare creature called mew, by greedy Team Rocket scientists with god complexes. They treated Mewtwo like an object, a product of their genius, and immediately ignored Mewtwo’s questions, needs and worries.
As I watched, something sparked in my brain. I felt that I knew why Mewtwo blew up the lab. Despite the short scene in the American version- I shared their anger and I could feel how upset and scared this character was. Then they were used a second time by Giovanni, the head of Team Rocket. Who leveraged Mewtow’s rage as a powerful weapon against other Pokémon and their trainers. I could feel- at first the expression of rage felt great to Mewtwo, but slowly and aimlessly it began to lose purpose.
Arrogantly, Giovanni then revealed his true nature when Mew Two had questioned the purpose of it all.
“Humans may have created me, but they will never enslave me! This cannot be my destiny!”
- Mew Two
And there was Mewtwo, destroying things, all rage, all fire, blasting off into the distance. This time-vowing vengeance on a world that is so cruel it is not worth saving. Mewtwo became a mirror of their abusers, after all-it was all Mewtwo had ever really been shown, the evil and the strong survive. It was what Mewtwo was made for- at least that was what Mewtwo was told.
Its not until all of the events of the movie unfold, that Mewtwo realizes they were wrong. Through the selfless actions of a group of strangers, and the love and pain of loss, Mewtwo’s eyes are opened. Life is what you make it, and you don’t have to make it a cruel competition for superiority.
“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”
- Mewtwo (yah boy)
There are beings out there more than eager to use you and abuse you, but that doesn’t mean you have to be like them. You can be more than what people try to put on you. You can be the light you wish to see in the world and there are plenty of other beings out there that will join you on your journey and support you.
Despite the American version making Mewtwo less existential and more cut and dry bad- something about the character really resonated with smaller me. Somehow, I knew Mew Two had been deeply wronged, and in my youth I knew what it was like to feel like everyone else was in control of you except you.
My fascination with that character never faded. In my later years I was able to watch the full Japanese version of the film, and the pain and suffering this poor soul had gone through was revealed to me, but I still felt the same, if not stronger than before that the anger and frustration was warranted. The existentialism definitely hits different now as an adult.
I find myself questioning the grand scheme of things often. Especially when times get tough. It’s so easy to get lost in all of it, the labels, the hurt and feeling of being controlled. To feel helpless and to lean on the same methods of your oppressors, in some sort of illusion of having power. You don’t have to be what others paint you to be, and you can change. You don’t have to reflect the people who have hurt you and used you. The gift of life is yours for defining, not theirs. You can change your destiny, and shift your purpose to fit the life you want.
Despite it just being a kid’s movie from a large fandom that people had yet to really understand-Mewtwo’s story is important to me, and I feel connected to the stages of rage, realization and strive for peace. I find that I strive now to create a space for me and my loved ones to be free and to be who they are no matter what label or power others have tried to enact upon them. There is so much more I could say about this character, but I am glad I met them when I did.
-M.